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Q & A: I need advice on my my very strange living environment?

Question by Guido: I need advice on my my very strange living environment?
I have had to move home until I finish my degree in 6 months. My mother is 68 and her “partner” 45. He has controlled her since they got together 15 years ago. He also threatened me with violence from 16. He now has a problem where he only sleeps for 4 hours per night and alternated between not bathing for 4 months and being obsessed with housework and things being used ( he will look at the electric meter whilst boiling the kettle) and taping up the central heating so it cant be used to not moving off the settee for days and not doing anything but being agitated if anybody moves or answers the door. Its driving me crazy as my mum accepts it as she says she needs a man. WHAT CAN BE DONE HERE BESIDES MOVING STRAIGHT BACK OUT AGAIN???

Best answer:

Answer by balroth
It sounds unhealthy. Your choices are stay for 6 months and deal with it or move out. Your mother made her choice over the last 15 years. sorry not a good one. wish I had a better answer

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4 Responses to Q & A: I need advice on my my very strange living environment?

  1. LOWRIDER_69

    at his age his ways are already set and he is not going to change,therefor you must do the changing and move

  2. Gina C

    Mentally ill people need love too, and perhaps your mother is a special sort of person who can love one… Or maybe she takes the ‘sickness and health’ thing very seriously. You do not have to participate, but then you do not have to accept the benefits of their home.

    If you are going to choose to live there, you are going to have to *really* accept that people are who they are, even if some of them are pretty out there… And that people choose mates for reasons that you may not know, and it does not even matter if those people choosing mates are your parents, they do not owe you an explaination, and your approval is not required.

    You may be an adult, but you have no right at all to approve or disapprove of your mother’s choice of mates, or the behavior of a man in his own home, *because* you are old enough to leave. He is under no obligation to harbor you, further your education, feed you, or conform his behavior to your expections (even if they seem common or reasonable expections).

    If you truly realized this, and felt and expressed acceptance and gratitutde, you might find that even Mr. Intolerable becomes a bit more acceptable…

    And if you don’t – should should move.

  3. mooshie

    You have one choice, and that’s it. You can either leave, or you can decide to stay in it for the long haul and attempt to have your mother declared metnally incompetent (in a legal court) and the guy declared a criminal or offender. That’s it. If you choose option B, you will probably have to petition to become your mother’s legal guardian, which means more than just being legally responsible for her–you will also have to commit to ACTUALLY being responsible for her. And she probably will be completelely unhappy about it. Sorry, but that’s the only choice you really have here.

  4. missingora

    You have to make this decision for yourself (and your sanity) but it would certainly be less stressful to move away from this even if it took a bit longer to finish your degree. I would not be able to focus on my studies under such strange circumstances. You cannot change your mother’s choice to stay with this obviously mentally ill person. However, it would be a good idea to mention to her that she may be putting herself in danger. Who knows what he may do next??

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